So I've been told that my bliggity blog has been lacking content lately, thus the refusal for a certain person to 'follow' me, even though he reads every post. So here goes: there's nothing like forcing words.
Gearing up for the holidays this year is interesting; its an unfamiliar and semi-uncomfortable feeling. I've slowly moved the boxes of Christmas items from my parents house to the white house at the top of Stanley Street and quietly stored then in the once spacious attic. I almost don't want to unpack them though. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I would gear up all year for it. I would force it on Tiny Tims and Scrooges alike. I would purchase a perfectly manicured 10 foot tree, that I would have sold my soul for, the day after Thanksgiving by any means necessary. I would hang hundreds of lights throughout my apartment while my cats watched me from their perches. I would brave hives as the result of Blue Spruce needle pricks after adorning said tree with hundreds of ornaments. I would preset my radio stations and dig out the Christmas CDs. I would watch all the holiday TV movies and then watch my DVDs of them again. It was my time. It felt amazing.
This year is different though. I turn on the radio in the car and sing along to Bing and Ms. Cole and something is different. I still know all the words and it brings a smile to my face, but the pure joy just isn't there. Instead there is an emptiness. I have amazing friends and family, with amazing traditions that I ironically always institute, but I had created traditions and memeories with someone for so long, and now I have no one to celebrate those with. Even typing it seems silly. I am incredibly lucky and have a whole life ahead of me, but I can't help but feel that this holiday will be tainted. I have to learn how to fill those spaces with new memories and new traditions and new love for friends, old and new, and to make myself happy again. So here's to learning about what Christmas is all about...all over again.